1. Highest amount of Integrity I've ever seen or could ever imagine.

2. Fiercely Loyal; both big picture & especially in the little ways.

3. "Family Man" ~ Meaning his greatest sense of value comes in taking care of his family.

4. Always feels Lucky to have me. . . .Just the way I am.

5. Optimistic, Trusting, Enthusiastic & Light-Hearted BY NATURE.

6. Constantly strives to be the Best man he can be.

7. Intelligent, Ethical and Responsible.

8. Always Kind-Spirited & Generous in everything he has and all that he does.

9. Passionate about his Work & Driven to somehow help and/or make a difference .

10. Considers me a Great Asset in his Life, always treating me as his equal.

11. Does his Best to keep me Happy & Comfortable, while providing a Calm, Love-Filled Home.

12. Is Open-Minded & truly values different points of view.

13. Feels accountable to me, his family and those he works with.

14. Reveres all women and the sanctity of marriage.

15. Always makes me feel like I'm #1 in his Life.

* Bonus: Sees absolutely nothing wrong with having Christmas lights in our backyard year round.

I wrote down 15 things I need for "husband potential" and buried it deep in the drawer of my nightstand. When a guy who possesses all 15 without question finds his way into my love life, will it be a coincidence or magic?

Who knows. . . . .All that matters is that we believe.

I'm beginning to realize that sometimes life, people and circumstances seemingly break us down so that we're forced to summon our inner strength. . . .To pick ourselves up. . . .To put ourselves back together. . .Even better than we were before.

For some crazy reason, it's often in our moments of greatest despair, that we find our inherent power. I believe in those moments somehow clarity, wisdom and strength are at their highest; if we can just reach for them although we feel weak.

So the next time you find yourself faced with adversity, do your best to rise to the occasion. Search for the lesson. Appreciate the struggle for what it is: An opportunity to grow and become a stronger woman than you were before.

You might be in shambles. . . .You might feel beaten up. . . .You might have been stepped on. . . .

BUT YOU ARE NEVER COMPLETELY BROKEN.

Raise your head with dignity. Pick yourself up with grace. And look toward your future with determination. Decide that regardless of what is happening around you, your essence is always intact.

I've learned that when you face your obstacles with courage, life will always meet you half way.

That if guy acts like he can get with every girl in the room, that's probably his goal.

If he cheated on his last girlfriend, he'll probably cheat on you too.

Being in a bad relationship is never better than being alone.

If you're always involved with "Mr. Wrong" you'll never meet "Mr. Right."

A good guy doesn't have any "interesting" problems or "fatal flaws" that need mending.

It's not your place to "save" any guy ~ no matter how much he needs it or how much you love him.

An insecure guy will always bring you down to his level; he won't ever raise up to yours.

Any guy who can fall in love quickly, can also fall out of love just as fast.

It takes time for real love to build. Two weeks is not a long time. . . .Neither is two months.

A guy who isn't shy about saying "I love you" got that way from saying it over and over and over again to different women.

To always believe a guy who says he has "problems with commitment."

A guy who "doesn't know what he wants" doesn't deserve what he has.

A guy who is difficult to get a hold of is impossible to keep as a boyfriend.

O-B-S-E-S-S-I-O-N is the wrong way to spell LOVE.

The difference between being in love and being in pain.

Today I took a walk down memory lane. I relived some of the "accidents" and thought about some of the guys I've left on the side of the road.

I smiled, and I "let go." Without regretting the mistakes. . . .Without resenting the people who have hurt me. . . .And without missing the guys ~ I smiled because it happened. I realized how much I've grown from my mishaps. I finally understood that I went through it all for good reason. Then I felt glad my past is where it belongs! Because I know my future is bright.

. . . .Then I thought about the "baggage" ~ the things I've picked up along the way. The extra 15 pounds. . . .the newfound insecurities. . . .and the minor "trust issues." And again, I smiled. Because I'm grateful. Like all baggage eventually does ~ mine has brought me wisdom.

Not being a size 0 anymore has helped me understand what 99 percent of women struggle with on a daily basis: to eat. . . .or not to eat. And more importantly, my extra weight has showed me the depth of my own persistence. (Who has time for the gym when you're working against all odds to make your dreams a reality?) Knowing I've thrown my everything into realizing my dreams, gives me great pride. Recognizing my level of determination is more valuable than any dress size will ever be.

Speaking of dress sizes. . . .my newfound insecurities have humbled me. They've taught me that it really is easier to feel confident when you're super skinny! Valuable knowledge ~ as the very essence of my work is empowering women to be confident! So I welcome the challenge to maintain confidence without a "head start." To prove, through example, that confidence really is possible regardless of weight.

As for my minor "trust issues." In my estimation, my issues prove my resilience. They remind me that over the past year and a half, I've struggled through the hardest betrayals of my life. I've been lied to, cheated on, and stolen from ~ all by the people nearest and dearest to me. I was as broken as a girl can be. And I survived. My vulnerability is healing, and I feel stronger than I've ever felt.

TODAY I REALIZED THAT NOTHING IN MY PAST WAS "IN VAIN."

The pain, the mistakes, the difficulties. They've all provided me with valuable insight. . . .eventual wisdom. . . .and if nothing else: great material for my books!

SO, AS I'M SURE ICE CUBE WOULD SAY, "IT'S ALL GOOD."

Your turn: Reframe your past in a more positive way. Then let go. It feels good.

PRINCE CHARMING. . . .A WHITE HORSE. . . .A BEAUTIFUL CASTLE.

I used to believe that in the "Real World," the "Fairytale" looks something like:

An actor, rapper or NBA player. . . .A white Mercedes CL63. . . .A house in "The Hills."


But experience brings wisdom. And I'm beginning to realize that even though I'll never give up on my "Happy Ending," I may need to revise my definition of "Fairytale."

Because my experiences have taught me that it's easy to get so distracted by the glamour, that we forget what's really important in life ~ and in love.

I'll be the first to admit that I like nice things. According to my Dad, my motto in life since I was about five years old has always been, "I want the more expensive one." My innate tendency to gravitate towards luxury is what brought me to Los Angeles ~ where I've learned that approaching love in this manner is a "recipe for disaster."

A guy's ability to "put you in a Range Rover" speaks nothing about his ability to love you how you need to be loved. Trust me on that one. The things money can buy can't love us back. . . .A five-carat engagement ring can't be there for you when you're having a bad day. A beautiful car sitting in the driveway can't keep you company when you're lonely. And an infinite line of credit can't say, "I love you" when you need to hear it most. The kind of love that really glitters is FREE.

As women, what we really need from the person we share life with is: time and attention. Granted, depending on our own personalities and busy schedules, we'll all need different amounts from our loved ones. But that doesn't change the fact that we all need loving affection and genuine concern more than we'll ever need a Range Rover!


SO TODAY, I'M RE-WRITING MY DEFINITION OF A "FAIRYTALE."

My new version of a "Happy Ending" looks something like this:


Instead of notoriety, power, or a bank account with millions ~ My "Prince Charming" will have inordinate amounts of integrity, honesty, compassion and intelligence.

Instead of rescuing me in a $150,000 all-white Mercedes ~ My "Prince Charming" will sweep me off my feet with his passion and ability to make a positive impact on the world.

Instead of offering to "put me in a Range Rover" ~ My "Prince Charming" will promise to be fiercely loyal, always accountable, and forever faithful to me.

Instead of an expensive "House in the Hills" ~ My "Castle" will be a home that is filled with endless love, constant laughter, and calming balance.


EVERY GIRL DESERVES TO FEEL LIKE THE "PRINCESS" OF HER OWN LIFE!

So revive your belief in the "Fairytale." But first, make sure that you define your "Fairytale" in a way that fulfills your Spirit.

As usual, I started my day with a cup of Yogi tea. . . .And today, I took the short words of wisdom printed on the tea bag's tag very seriously.

This morning my "tea guru" said to me, "RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE THE TRUTH."

In my 30 second morning meditation, while pouring my water and adding soymilk, I reflected on my Yogi Master's words. They were a little more abstract than usual. . . .But they reminded me of the outrage I experienced at the gym earlier this morning.

Quick recap: I was running on the treadmill, 7.7 mph, iPod blaring Jay Z, and staring mindlessly at the TVs in front of me, when the TV to my right caught my eye.

Picture this: A black and white commercial showing a half-dressed woman getting ready in the morning. Wearing nothing but a bra, she almost hugs herself while staring lovingly in the mirror. Then, fade to black. Beautiful words across the screen read, "Change your bra. . . ." Dramatic pause.

In my head I sarcastically finish the sentence, "Change your life."

The words across the TV screen flash, "Change your life."

Immediate outrage. I think, "Are you kidding me? Do they take me for an idiot? Do they take US for idiots?!" Then I quickly answered myself, "Yes." And increased my speed to 8.4. . . .taking my aggression out on the treadmill.

I'm convinced advertisers take us women for idiots. They think we're stupid enough to believe that self-love is hidden in the underwire of a bra. That confidence is stuffed into tube of MAC mascara. That boyfriends are somehow redeemable upon purchase of diet foods. That happiness is measured by the price tag of a purse.

But we're not stupid enough to fall for these lies ~ Are we? As my Yogi Master would ask: You "RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE THE TRUTH" right?

Confidence, love and happiness reside within YOU.

And promises of worthiness in things we can buy, fit into, or mold ourselves to look like are "LIES, ALL LIES."

Advertisers try desperately to make us believe that whatever they happen to be selling will "change our lives." But the harsh reality is, a bra will not have any great impact on the quality of your life, your ability to find love, or your feelings of self-worth.

It sure would be easier if you could change your life just by changing your bra. But you can only find happiness. . . .you can only begin to live your best life. . . .you can only recognize your own personal truth ~ by looking within YOU. You hold the power in your life.

And one last thing: In differentiating between self-love and pretty underwear, can we please begin a daily practice of thinking critically about the advertisements we see? Can we make a commitment to start questioning the way advertisers speak to us?

"REMEMBER THAT NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IS SOMETIMES A WONDERFUL STROKE OF LUCK." ~ HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA

Translation: It's important to recognize that sometimes, what we want isn't good enough.

I'm starting to learn that not getting what we want usually means that what we want sucks.

Oftentimes, we girls get infatuated, obsessed, even desperate over something (or someone) we want. . . . .Convinced that our lives will magically change when we lose ten pounds. . . .Absolutely sure that we'll finally feel good enough when he loves us back. . . .Positive that we'll feel completely fulfilled when we accomplish (you fill in the blank).

Goals, aspirations, and focused work are good. Choosing the "easy" way out, the "quick" fix, and the "short" path are usually bad ideas. Diets, Boyfriends and Accolades are all ways we try to "cut corners" to happiness.

Because your ultimate goal should be to feel worthy irrespective of your weight. Your highest aspiration should be to love yourself in the very manner you wish someone else would. Your work should be tirelessly focused upon finding balance, feeling fulfilled, and being content ~ independent of what's happening around you.

Success works from the inside out. If "feeling comfortable in your own skin" is what you want ~ start choosing to accept yourself as you are. If "feeling love" is what you want ~ choose to love yourself now. If "feeling more fulfilled" is what you want ~ start being grateful for everything you do have, instead of focusing on what's missing.

LEARN TO "WANT" THE RIGHT THINGS.

WANT THINGS THAT CAN NEVER BE TAKEN FROM YOU ~ BECAUSE THEY'RE WITHIN YOU.

And when you don't get what you want, choose to believe (like I do) that whatever it is you want sucks. . . .even if you don't have the wisdom or clarity to see it in the moment.

Or to frame it more positively ~ Choose to believe that when you don't get what you want, it just means something better is on its way!

Because it is.

Cupcakes & Love Go Together.

When I feel fragile, I eat cupcakes. When my heart feels like it's going to crumble, I stick it together with frosting.

Vulnerability. It makes me want to push love away. It makes me want to create distance between myself and other people. Cupcakes provide the perfect tool. They create distance. . . with the richest of distractions and the thickest of pounds.

I eat cupcakes to keep love at bay. . . Because I'm scared of failing . . .I'm worried about getting hurt . . .I'm protecting against disappointment. The "time out" I get while eating cupcakes and "feeling fat" gives me comfort. It's secure. It's predictable. It's yummy.

Love, on the other hand is anything but. It's insecure. It's uncontrollable. It's unforeseeable. There are no assurances. . .No guarantees. . .No certainties. How can you feel assured you're good enough? How do you guarantee he'll love you back?How will you make certain that he won't break your heart?

Love is such a contradiction. Its promise is so beautiful and exciting. But its potential for heartache is almost overwhelming. . . .Even in the hypothetical.

The last goodbye. . .the crying on the bathroom floor. . .the missing him. Who wants to risk that ever again?

Not me. Not the part of me that likes rainy days and fat clothes, anyway. Not the part of me that finds comfort in the nonliving.

But what about the other part of me? The part that's falling in love and grateful to the point of tears. . . .The part of me that knows, after walking away from all those "bad boys," I really do deserve someone as amazing as him. This is the part of me I'm going to nurture.

I'm going to trade in the comfort of cupcakes for the uncertainty of love. I'm going to make the more difficult choice ~ to simply believe.

As you know, I start every morning with a cup of tea. . . .And I take the short words of wisdom printed on each Yogi tea bag tag very seriously!

This morning my "tea guru" said to me, "THE BEAUTY OF LIFE IS TO EXPERIENCE YOURSELF."

In my 30 second morning meditation (while pouring my water and adding soymilk) I applied his teaching to my life. My "Yogi Master" said: The beauty of life is to experience yourself. I think his advice lays more in what he didn't say. . . .He didn't say: You can only experience beauty in life with a boyfriend.

I'm pretty sure my "tea guru" was talking about my latest obsession: WHAT I LIKE TO CALL "THE PRECIOUS TIME IN BETWEEN BOYFRIENDS"

In my opinion, the dating rollercoaster is a never-ending ride. And it's our job as girls to know when to bench ourselves and "sit it out" on certain rides.

Because not every guy we meet is "dateable." And not every guy we date is "boyfriendable." Remember this: Romance is seductive. Relationships are addictive. And falling in love with the wrong guy is "all too easy."

That's why we need to pay attention to the warning signs we get from guys. When something isn't quite right, when guys make us question how they really feels about us, when they do things that don't feel like love. . . .it's time to "sit it out." Taking a break from dating isn't the end of the world. Being single isn't a death sentence!

Sometime a "Time Out" is exactly what we need. Being alone provides valuable time to figure out what we want, what we need, what's working and what's not working in our lives ~ without any distractions! We all need this from time to time. Because knowing how to be alone is part of being strong, self-assured women. But more importantly, it's part of ensuring that we don't keep falling into the same old patterns with bad boyfriends.

So if you've suddenly found yourself "in between boyfriends," or if you've found yourself in a situation where you would probably be better off that way, I want you to take a deep breath. Exhale a sigh of relief. And smile. You've found alone time ~ Precious time to get in touch with what you want. Use this time to set some goals for yourself and decide on some standards for the next guy. (Love List, Love List, Love List. . . .I can't say it enough! Know what you want and need in a guy, so you don't keep ending up with Mr. Wrong. Be active in choosing a guy who is right for you; don't just be chosen.)

Because here's what I know for sure: We don't stay single forever. You'll be back in a relationship before you know it. Cherish this "time in between boyfriends" while you can. And make the most of it!

I forgive myself for dating so many "bad boys". . . .And I even forgive myself for dating them long enough to fall in love. Because I really didn't know any better at the time.

I forgive myself for giving so many boys in my life excuses ~ when they really didn't deserve it. . . and when they definitely didn't deserve me.

I forgive myself for trying to "save" people who didn't want saving. Now I know it's never our place to pick other people up. It's only our place to stand beside them, and offer a hand or shoulder to lean on.

I forgive myself for not listening to my intuition when I knew it was time to walk away. Timing is everything in life. And from this moment on, I will do my very best to honor the time to "Let It Go."

I forgive myself for always having to learn the hard way! What's important is that no matter how bad it gets, I eventually learn. I eventually learn.

I forgive myself for keeping friends who brought me down. Now I appreciate that we are "only as good as the company we keep." I will keep friends who support and uplift me.

I forgive myself for giving everything I had to another person. Never again will I give so much of myself, that I have nothing left for me.

I forgive myself for allowing people to break me. I think people break us, only so we're forced to find our strength. Because in picking up the pieces, we always emerge even stronger than before.

I forgive myself for being so focused on the good, that I ignored the bad. Next time, I'll pay heed to the "warning signs" while remaining optimistic.

I forgive myself for not believing that "better" was possible. Because now I know that it is!

And most importantly, I forgive myself for turning to cupcakes when I should have been "turning within" to deal with my feelings :-) But all that matters is that I got here. . . .

The first step to growth ~ to learning from our "mistakes" and from our hurts ~ is to forgive ourselves. Forgiving ourselves is how we find the peace necessary to see the lesson, let go and move on. . . with our head up and our eyes ahead.


"We may experience many defeats, but we must never be defeated." ~ Maya Angelou

Feeling unconditionally lovable is the most important thing we can strive for as girls.

I have a daily mantra that I find helps: "I don't need to look like a supermodel to deserve love."
None of us do. We don't need to look like supermodels. . . .or celebrities. . . .or even "video chicks." If being one of them was the ticket to love and happiness, then Perez Hilton wouldn't exist.

So many of us women put our feelings of worthiness on hold, while we strive to meet a "perfect" standard of beauty. Bad idea. Because what we're forgetting is this: The only thing at the end of that rainbow is. . . .Ourselves. We might be wearing smaller jeans, rocking a different hair style, and sporting a better purse. But other than that, nothing will have changed. At our core, we'll still be the same girl.

The harsh reality: No matter how much we change the way we look, we will still be "us" and our lives will still be "ours."

We girls need to stop trying to escape ourselves. Being different isn't what will make us loveable. Because we don't earn love by the way we look, how we act, or the things we accomplish. We don't earn love by shaping our personalities, sculpting our bodies, or perfecting our resumes. We don't earn love by being "perfect."

I will earn love simply by being ME. I will keep love by developing the courage to always feel entitled to it. And the same goes for you ~ You deserve love just by virtue of being YOU.

Lovely is what you already are.

I'd rather be happy than ten pounds skinnier
. . . .because I'm pretty sure they're not one in the same.

I'd rather feel loved than be in a relationship
. . . .because sadly, I know those two don't always come hand in hand.

I'd rather be fulfilled than stupidly rich
. . . .I really hope you can have one without the other.

I'd rather learn from my mistakes than believe I'm right about everything
. . . .I don't think anyone can do both at the same time.

I'd rather be imperfectly "Me" than someone else's idea of perfection.
. . . .because trying to be perfect is exhausting.


Ladies ~
What do we really think is going to change in the grand scheme of our lives when we get skinnier?

Why do we try to convince ourselves that there's no such thing as being lonely in the presence of someone else?

Why do we think a Rolex and matching Fendi purse and shoes contribute to inner contentment?

Why do we think not making mistakes means being loveable?

Why do we often feel like being someone else would somehow mean being better?


p.s. ~
By "We" I definitely mean "Me."

But I have a sneaky suspicion I'm not alone. We girls spend so much of our energy striving for the body, the boyfriend, the clothes. I want to spend more time learning how to be "pretty on the inside."

I start every morning with a cup of tea. I drink Yogi Tea ~ probably because I'm a little addicted to "self-help." Each tea bag has its own words of wisdom from a Yogi Master printed on the tag.

I take this wisdom from my "tea guru" very seriously.

This morning he said to me, "LET LOVE ELEVATE YOU TO GREATNESS."

In my 30 second morning meditation (while pouring my water and adding soymilk) I always apply his teaching to my life. My "Master" said: Let love elevate you to greatness. . . .I think he meant: Don't let it kick you down. Find the kind of love that will bring "greatness" (not drama) to your life.

I'm pretty sure my "tea guru" was talking about my latest obsession: MY MOVEMENT REVIVE THE FAIRY TALE.

Let's revive our belief in "Happily Ever After." Let's breathe life back into "Prince Charming."

No, not by kissing every toad (a.k.a. "bad boy") we meet. . . .and hopelessly waiting for him to magically transform into boyfriend material.

FINDING "PRINCE CHARMING" STARTS WITH MAKING A LOVE LIST.

Take a few minutes today to sit down and make an actual list of everything you want and need in a guy. Write down characteristics you want him to have, ways you want him to treat you, and how you want your relationship to feel. Be honest with yourself. Think long and hard. And choose to believe (even if it's only for the 20 minutes you're writing your love list!) that that fairy tale is possible ~ that you can have everything you want.

I already have a love list. I made it in the process of giving up my last "bad boy." (Crucial Step # 4 in Girlfriends Anonymous. See below. . . .) I know my love list is what propelled me into the world of good guys. Because not long after making it, something a little freaky happened. New guys who matched my list almost perfectly started approaching me!

And after dating a few almost identical matches to my love list, I'm starting to realize that what I want is changing. What I need is evolving ~ just like me! And now that I know we really do "get what we ask for" I'm taking a few minutes to revise what I'm asking for! I'm (re)writing my love list today too.

DEFINITELY AT THE TOP OF MY LOVE LIST: Loves Me Unconditionally, Believes In Me, Believes In Himself, Optimistic, Faithful, Trusting, Selfless, Sincere, Playful, Witty, Hardworking, Professional, Smart, Easygoing, Grounds Me, Makes Me A Better Person, Good Teacher, Always There For Me, Reads All My Books On His Own. . . .Oh, and Elevates Me To Greatness!

Off to finish my tea and my new love list ~ What's on your list?

~~~~~~~~~~~After A While~~~~~~~~~~~
After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child

And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans...
and futures have a way of falling down in mid- flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn
with every goodbye you learn...

(Veronica A. Shoffstall 1971)

Relationships can be so complicated, and can lead to so much pain. But they can also be the source of so much personal growth.

Sometimes, it takes experiences where we confuse love with leaning on someone, where we mix up comfort with security, and where we believe that kisses really are as good as promises, to finally learn how to be our own best friend before we try to be someone else's girlfriend.

And sometimes, it takes the pure devastation of heartbreak for us to learn how to take care of ourselves, and how to value ourselves above all else.

Because "After a While" of feeling the pain, we eventually find strength. And "After a While" of being alone, we eventually begin to appreciate our own company.

Lessons in love are the hardest challenges I've had to face as a woman. But they're also the most valuable lessons I've learned about myself, and the cause and effect nature of Life.

My lessons in love have taught me that I can only neglect myself for so long. I can only allow someone to mistreat me for so long. And I can only settle for less than my perfect guy for so long.

I share the stories of my love life in hopes that you too will learn your lessons in love, and finally end up with the perfect guy for you.

Because he's out there. . . .he's just waiting for you to get your sh*t together before he walks into your Life!